The Constant Battle

by Holly Dodson

This post could start out a lot of ways:  “As a writer” would be one.  “As a mother” would be another.  Or “As a woman” could be yet another option for an appropriate beginning.  Actually, there are probably a thousand ways you could start this post, because it’s something we all think about, and we all struggle with forever and ever no matter what:

Insecurity.

I think writers as a whole are a notoriously insecure group of people.  Perhaps it comes with the territory.  Which, if that means anything, it’s that we’re not alone in the way we feel.

A couple of perfect examples of how NOT alone we are would be this post from Rachelle Gardner (a literary agent) on the 7 Bad Habits of Successful Writers, and Shannon Messenger’s video blog on Friday the Thirteeners about giving up.

But when you’re in the throes of an oh my gracious I suck and will always suck and nobody has ever sucked as much as I suck in the world of suckdom moment…well, sometimes company isn’t enough.

So this post — this whole thought process, I suppose — has been a long time coming.  Over the last few weeks (or, you know, forever, but just more so in the last few weeks) I’ve been struggling with my own insecurities.  That ever-constant plaguing thought: I’m not good enough.

And well, fact is, maybe I’m not.  Before you go lashing me for that statement, let me finish.

What I’m talking about is this dream — this goal of publication.  This continuous effort to reach out and blog and network and build a platform and write book after book…

Writing in itself is incredibly hard, as I’ve talked about before.  Add on all the extra pressure of trying to get published or building a name for yourself online, and you’ve got a pot ready to boil over.  And that’s okay.
Something I’ve come to terms with in the last couple of weeks is that maybe this feeling is something that needs to be embraced instead of pushed away.  I think a right lot of us are constantly battling that fear, pushing it off, trying to move forward without it.
But the fact is, it’s that fear — that worry that we really aren’t good enough — that keeps us pressing forward in the first place.  That’s what helps us grow.  What helps us reach heights we never dreamed were possible.
And you know I’m right.
Count this as me embracing my insecurity, saying, “Yeah, maybe I’m not good enough, but I will be one day.”
Then I want you to say it too.  Because no matter how badly you feel about your writing, your life, your anything today, the thing is: you can change it for tomorrow.  All it is is a choice.
And that, my friends, is my deep thought for the week.  lol  I always seem to come back from my little blog breaks full of these ponderings, don’t I?

Time Wednesday, May 23rd, 2012, 9:06 am   |   Categoryinspiration, life, things that are hard to admit, Writing  |  RssRSS feed |  CommentRespond  |  TrackbackTrackback

One Comment to “The Constant Battle”

    
  1. katharine owens
    May 24, 2012 at 11:11 am

    Well-pondered, Holly. I would only encourage you by saying it’s not that “you’re not good enough”. You are. The more books I read (especially by new authors) the more I see that there is a HUGE range of skill and talent out there. There are published authors lacking in both. You have skill and talent. Maybe it hasn’t all come together in the right way. But it will.
    I think it is good to recognize our strengths and our weaknesses. And then keep working.

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