I hate feeling helpless. It’s the absolute worst feeling in the world to me. That sinking in your gut when you know your personal fate lies in the hands of others — it’s something I avoid as much as I can, if I’m honest.
Recently things in my life have been snatched out of my tight control, and I’ve had a bit of a hard time adjusting. (Who am I kidding, I’m still not adjusted.) I was sitting at my desk today thinking: Maybe I was a turtle in a past life. Because when I feel like I’m being attacked by the universe, all I want to do is close my eyes and put my hands over my ears and pretend like none of it exists. If I had a handy shell, I’d totally disappear into it.
That probably just means I need therapy though. lol
Super Spawn started Kindergarten at the end of August. He’s a full-blown big kid now! And Mom over here is learning that once they hit that level, any ounce of control you retained at the pre-k level flies out the window like a dirty kleenex. Forget those lovely evening chats about school, because by the end of the day he’s so over-stimulated all he can manage is to cry or stare at the TV and drool. (Okay, he doesn’t drool, but it paints an appropriate picture for you.)
Then I totaled my car. (And now it’s my turn to only manage crying.) Which, everything is fine — well, except the car — but STRESS, OMG STRESS.
I swear I had a point when I started this post.
Oh well. That’s where I’ve disappeared to. Life. Watching Doctor Who. Attempting to breathe. But I miss you guys. I miss writing. Haven’t been doing much of that either. Well, I have, but I haven’t. I’ve got a new sorta-kinda-almost-done-but-not-really draft. I need to force myself to get back to it, it’s the only way to relieve some of this life anxiety – to just write through it.
So brace yourselves, my dear lovelies, because you never know what I’ll say next.